Read The Newest Jokes - Hahaaa
warning to all women (is this joke funny )?
Filed in The Category Funny Medical Stories
This is a heads up to those friends who haven’t experienced it yet, and an explanation to those friends and family who have. Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban legend, this one is not. It’s happening every day.
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else’s thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.
Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I know it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than my original) to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. Now, my rear end complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish.
Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next?
My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled. That’s why I decided to tell my story. I can’t take on the medical profession by myself.
Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn’t plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement part, don’t you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face “lifted”, look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs…and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!
This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS.
P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.
My partner spends hours on internet forums writing rude stories and sharing in jokes and flirtatious?
Filed in The Category Rude Jokes
chat amongst other more day to day conversation to the point where there is little time left for us to share together – I get jealous and am told that I should deal with this as it is my problem.
Am I wrong?
funny joke?
Filed in The Category Male Nurse Jokes
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over
his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour,
surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial
sponge bath.
“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to
wash your upper body and feet.” He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my
testicles black?”
Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she
overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises
his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other.Then
she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir!”
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, Thank
you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely…… Are
- my – tests – results – back?
romeo and juliet quote on nurse’s view on sex?
Filed in The Category Nurse Quotes
please can you think of a quote that shows how the nurse thinks of sexual love between men and women, and generally sexual love in Romeo and Juliet?
Joke:: Male nurses?
Filed in The Category Male Nurse Jokes
Dr.’s myklia g & dagger are discussing the merits of the new nurse, smila.
“A good worker, but not overly bright” they agree, at which piont they’re interupted by an agonised scream!
No you idiot, I said prick his boil!
i am a very worried mummy?
Filed in The Category Medical Cartoons
I have a son who is 4 and a half years old, I am very worried that he may suffer from autism, however ive taken him to the Dr’s and they seem to think his behavior is probably caused by glue ear, because he has hearing problems and they’ve put it down to that.
i first noticed a problem with him when he was about a year old, purely because he didnt start talk, he used the same 1 word of babble till the age of 3, i’ve been on at his health visitors since he was 1 and they put his speech problems down to the fact that his dad speaks another language, even though my son isnt learning it.
my son still can not speak properly and has around 50 words in his vocabulary, he cant talk in full sentances and his pronunciation is very poor. myself and strangers still find it difficult to understand him.
as well as that he has started nursery school, his teacher has put him on the special educational needs register due to, lack of concentration, he will get distracted withing 1 minute of story/ group time for example, and then he will glare into something, like a leaf.
he really does not socialize either, if he is put in a group he will stand back and appears to listen, but he doesn’t involve.
he cant follow more than 2 instructions at a time, and if he is told something, he will answer, understanding what was said, but not understanding the meaning of what was said, so he just nods in agreement.
he seems to have no pain threshold, as when he is hurt, he doesn’t show any sign of emotion and if asked if hes ok, he nods and smiles.
he has never in his life, sat down and played with a toy, he prefers mummys and daddys possessions and he finds them much more interesting, and he is not at all able to imaginary play.
my biggest concern is his violence and unpredictable tantrums, i only have to say something for him to throw a tantrum, for instance i could copy something a cartoon character just said on the telly and he will lash out, destroying furniture and misbehaving.
i have a younger daughter who is 18 months, i cannot under any circumstances leave them alon together as she has been to hospital 3 times because of my sons violoence.
the first time she was sleeping and he attacked her.
the second and third time, they were playing together and he had a very quick mood swing causing him to attack her.
im not sure if this helps but he is also left handed, i am ambidextrous and have a short fuse, which i have had to learn to control.
i really believe he is suffering from autism all the symptoms suggest so, but my dr’s aren’t helping, and they know ive had to seek medical attention for my daughter due to his actions, and ive told them full details of his symptoms.
is there any advice you can give me, or suggestions, im going out of my mind with worry and on top of that it is causing me so much stress.
thankyou
Why do the Americans put up with their pathetic healthcare system?
Filed in The Category Healthcare Jokes
I mean its a joke.
Its one of the richest countries in the world and they fail their own people.
But hey they can give great healthcare treatment to terrorists in Guantanamo Bay
Yes Curtis
While many Americans believe we are in one of the top countries for health care, the truth is we are not. While the United States’ healthcare is the second-most costly in the entire world, we rank a distant 37th in quality! While it may not shock you to learn that America is not the top country where health care is concerned, the fact that we are not even in the top 10 should certainly give you reason for pause
Yes Jo your right and I would leave bankrupt lol…No thanks, would rather die than make the greedy CEO’s of the health insurance companies anymore wealthy
Curtis we know thats not true, the HERO’s of 9/11 where refused care lol, yes you defo look after your own..
You have seen England?
well we rate aboue you for healthcare anyhow darling. British healthcare has its faults, who doesnt, but turning people down for operation and life saving treatments when they are dying is something we dont do.
A man in America had health insurance, got denied care because they didnt want to pay up, and he died 2 weeks later….YES you really have the best care.
Even Cuba rates higher that you.
Blonde jokes…?
Filed in The Category Pharmacist Jokes
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. “Dear Lord,” she prays, “if I don’t get some cash, I’m gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery.”
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn’t win. She prays even harder, saying, “God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once.”
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
“Sweetheart, work with me on this,” he says. “Buy a ticket.”
A blonde walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures him that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. “I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”
“But I always get it here,” says the blonde.
“Do you have the container it comes in?”
“Yes!” says the blonde, “I will go and get it
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: “To apply, push up bottom.”
I need some clean but funny jokes!?
Filed in The Category Clean Funny Jokes
Ok I need some clean but funny jokes! So come on everyone help me out! Cheers!
have you read the blondes medical terminology? (joke)
Filed in The Category Medical Jokes
BLONDE MEDICAL TERMINOLOGY
Artery — Study of paintings
Bacteria — Back door of cafeteria
Barium — What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel — Letter like A.E..I.O.U
Caesarean section — District in Rome
Cat scan — Searching for kitty
Cauterize — Made eye contact with her
Colic — Sheep dog
Coma — A punctuation mark
Congenital — Friendly
D&C — Where Washington is
Diarrhea — Journal of daily events
Dilate — To live long
Enema — Not a friend
Fester — Quicker
Fibula — A small lie
G.I. Series — Soldiers’ ball game
Grippe — Suitcase
Hangnail — Coathook
Impotent — Distinguished, well known
Intense pain — Torture in a teepee
Labor pain — Got hurt at work
Medical staff — Doctor’s cane
Morbid — Higher offer
Nitrate — Cheaper than day rate
Node — Was aware of
Outpatient — Person who had fainted
Pelvis — Cousin of Elvis
Post operative — Letter carrier
Protein — Favoring young people
Rectum — It almost killed him
Recovery room — Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic — Amorous
Scar — Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion — Hiding anything
Seizure — Roman emperor
Serology — Study of knighthood
Tablet — Small table
Terminal illness — Sickness at airport
Tibia — Country in North Africa
Tumor — An extra pair
Urine — Opposite of you’re out
Varicose — Located nearby
Vein — Conceited
To people who think mental illness/psychiatry is a joke?
Filed in The Category Psychiatry Jokes
Watch this video and tell me if it changed your mind:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFdYqRuqKDM
@Bob C: I meant if they thought it wasn’t real, not how good psychiatry is. I’m guessing you didn’t watch the video? ….
@M: Thanks. So far you’re the only one who understood the question. Well some of these answers are a first hand look at pure ignorance. People can be so dumb. XD lol
and by the way Johnny Wadd, it’s not my video…
Out of date jokes – still funny, well I thought so!?
Filed in The Category Healthcare Jokes
During the Soviet times, a teacher in Russia was teaching a class of small children about the world they live in. She pointed to a map of the Soviet Union and said:
“This is the Soviet Union. It is a worker’s paradise where every man and woman has a job. They have decent housing, schools and healthcare. Everyone in the Soviet Union is happy.”
She then pointed to a map of the US:
“This is the United States of America. Here workers sometimes cannot find work. Some people are so poor they don’t have houses and even sleep in the gutter. They do not all have access to healthcare and as you can imagine, not everyone in the US is happy.”
She then noticed a little girl crying her eyes out in the front row.
“Marina Petronovich, why are you crying?” she barked.
Marina rubbed at her eyes:
“I want to live in the Soviet Union….”
DJ – a teacher in Russia…DOH.
Pasante Healthcare Condoms Too Tight!?
Filed in The Category Healthcare Jokes
Now straight away im not boasting that i have a abnormally sized penis so don’t bother with the childish penis size comments.
So i’ve used the flavoured condoms by Pasante Healthcare before and i found them too tight really felt like my penis was being squished into it and well it wasn’t the most enjoyable experience and it looked sick as you could really see that the penis was being squashed.
Now i switched back to Durex and even the fetherlight (one of the thinnest if not the thinnest) didnt seem tight at all!
I decided to give Pasante one last try 2nights ago this time with the ribbed version and it was a disaster. At first the condom wouldn’t even roll and when it finally did roll my penis was again squashed in even worse than the flavoured, the best thing is it claimed to be ribbed although the ribs are almost non-existent! This time i removed the condom and put on a Durex Pleasuremax it rolled straight on and the ribs on it were clearly visible along with the raised dots needless to say that was a good night 
So really my questions are:
Does anyone else have the same problem (for width) ?
Why are the Pasante condoms tighter than Durex (they look same size to me and they are both made of latex :\) ?
Will wearing tight condoms effect your penis health wise (although i dont plan on useing them again)?
PS: none of my friends seem to have this problem:s (XD maybe they all have small ones :’) okay so what if i said to avoid penis size jokes im allowed i asked the question 
but seriously they don’t have the same problem.)
keep looking »