FREE Medical Jokes - HaHaHa
Do I Look Like Brad Pitt Or Jhonny Damon?
Filed in The Category Plastic Surgery Jokes
i know im a girl but im planning on getting plastic surgery to turn me into one of those men so i needto know which one i look more like. and my avatar looks just like me no joke
A Good News/bad News Doctor Joke?
Filed in The Category Doctor Jokes
Doctor tells a man “I have good news and bad news”. The man asks for the good news first. The doctor informs him that he has 24 hours to live. “Good news?? Holy cow man, what is the bad news??” The doctor rubs his chin and replies, “I forgot to call you yesterday”.
What’s A Good Joke About Nurses Walking Into A Bar?
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
My G/F is a nurse, and i want to make her and her nurse friends laugh.
Is It Funny Joke……?????
Filed in The Category Veterinarian Jokes
Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
Every once in a while, however, he’d hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: “Bob, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Let it go.”
But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: “Bob, you’re a veterinarian!”
Doctor Told Me To Eat Popsicles And It’s Not A Joke?
Filed in The Category Doctor Jokes
I Have a very bad cold and my doctor told me to eat popsicles today, and he wasn’t joking it even says it on the paper he gave me? It seems it helps me get better?? loll How come?
What Did You Think Of The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emporer?
Filed in The Category Plastic Surgery Jokes
Having been a huge fan of the first two Mummy films, I was again expecting another thrill ride from Universal as the lights dimmed – but that expectation soon turned to dread as I watched this iconic franchise descend into an absolute mediocre disaster! How Brendan Fraser ever agreed to even appear in this third instalment is beyond me and the slight fact that there are actually no mummies in this film only paves the way for its critical mauling! You see, a Mummy is an ancient Egyptian King buried in a Golden Sarcophagus who has the arguable honour of having his brain wrenched from his skull through his nostrils. He is not a former Chinese Emperor who was turned to dust over a thousand years ago by an immortal Witch! This time round, its China’s turn to host a doomsday Mummy-fest – why not? It’s hosting the Olympics and after all, downtown Shanghai is stereotypical Mummy territory right? Wrong, and director Rob Cohen’s first stab at the Mummy franchise has this word daubed all over the screen in bold, red ink, even more so if you’re a fan of the first two films. Here, the effects still live up but the whole aspect of character development seems to have been swept to the sidelines in favour of appalling jokes and Chinese fireworks. The relationship between Fraser and newcomer, Maria Bello is laughable to say the least and the only time anyone pauses for breath is to shoot or blow something up! The film also suffers badly from inaccuracies. In the second film, archaeologist Rick O’Connell (Fraser) and Evelyn (Rachel Weisz) were married and had an eight-year-old son, Alex. But now, just seven years later, Alex has suddenly become a twenty something-year-old Mummy basher! Also, does any one else find the inclusion of Mountain Yetis, or Abominable Snowmen in a Mummy film simply hilarious??? Both Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh are indeed welcome additions to the franchise and thank God they’re here – at least Yeoh’s character is believable and her brilliantly choreographed final battle with Li is visually stunning. Yeoh is also immortal in the film, well, any woman who has a two thousand-year-old daughter who looks about ten would have to be, unless the Chinese know something about Plastic Surgery us Westerners don’t. Whoever cast American actress Maria Bello for the role of Evelyn O’Connell, the posh, sexy, kick-*** British Egyptologist, formerly played by Rachel Weisz, should be shot! I found it remarkable that Hollywood had the cheek to replace Weisz, a fantastic actress who was a thrill from start to finish in the first two films. No doubt Bello is convincing when playing the right parts, but here, she just doesn’t seem to find her comfort zone in Weisz’s shoes, sporting an absolutely diabolic British accent which at times sound like a cross between Australian and Irish. Perhaps Bello’s slick dagger twirling and shooting skills are enough to make the audience not wish to see her get eaten by the Yetis and her revealing night gowns certainly add a sense of brief eye candy for male audience members. But Weisz’s absence is still severely felt…and missed. The film is hit with yet more bullet wounds in the form of its awful “humour” and desperately unfunny one liners, all of which sink like lead balloons. Take Evelyn’s brother, Johnathan (John Hannah), who to be fair was hilarious in the first two films but here, tries to squeeze every last drop out of his disastrous dialogue by pulling strange faces and constantly flapping his arms. I mean, one has to wonder whether the Screenwriters have any wit or originality at all when a huge hairy beast, who is bizarrely one of the passengers in a rickety aeroplane which almost crash lands into the Himalayas, vomits all over Hannah and the audience gets rewarded with the line ‘the yak yakked’. Save us!
Its not all bad news for Mummy 3, however. The Special Effects are at times, breathtaking and the spectacular, firework-laden chariot chase through the streets of Shanghai is certainly a highlight. Some of the Himalayan wide shots are stunning, presuming they’re not all CGI and for part of the film, the O’Connell’s transport is a ramshackle plane who’s Pilot is Irish and addicted to alcohol – what a surprise! But one is left feeling deflated and frustrated at the end of the film. After yet another, computer-generated battle sequence, which is by far the poorest of the last decade, we cut straight back to downtown Shanghai! As if the whole battle sequence was just a dream. No results, no conclusions, no characters going their separate ways. Its sad the film suffers this way because its not the fault of the actors (well, perhaps Bello), or even the director – it’s the Screenwriters and Editors who are to blame here and no one else. I heard the reason Rachel Weisz chose not to reprise her role as Evelyn was due to ‘problems with the Script’. That is the biggest understatement anybody could give this film and even if Weisz was in it, I don’t think she could have saved it. A disappointing; overblown and at times, simply ridiculous end to what was once quite an exciting franchise!
D
Does anyone else agree?
I Need A Joke To Break The Ice…….?
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
i got this assignment for my nursing class. i have to find a joke that will show that laughter is good for your health. i need i a good clean joke, but cant find any! if u know any nursing jokes that would be awesome! thanks so much everyone and god bless!
Does Anyone Know A Good Doctor Doctor Joke?
Filed in The Category Doctor Jokes
i need cheering up badly jus take a look at my other questions you might be able to help there
Here Is A Fun Deductive Reasoning Joke Problem. The Best Answer Goes To Person Who Gives Answer And Reasons.?
Filed in The Category Veterinarian Jokes
Jennifer notes that her family members have varied occupations. Her cousin, aunt, uncle, mother, father, grandmother, and grandfather are employed as a barista (a person working behind a bar serving hot/cold drinks, a dairy farmer, a doctor, a mayor, a nurse, a postman and veterinarian. (Occupations are in alphabetical order.)
Some facts:
Jason is not really Jessica’s father. The Mayor’s husband is the postman. Hildegard runs the dairy farm. The cute barista is the niece of the doctor. The nurse is the daughter of the mayor and wife of the doctor. Jennifer’s father is so afraid of dogs that he fiants if he sees one.
WHO DOES WHAT JOB??????
What Did You Think Of The Mummy: Tomb Of The Dragon Emperor?
Filed in The Category Plastic Surgery Jokes
Having been a huge fan of the first two Mummy films, I was again expecting another thrill ride from Universal as the lights dimmed – but that expectation soon turned to dread as I watched this iconic franchise descend into an absolute mediocre disaster! How Brendan Fraser ever agreed to even appear in this third instalment is beyond me and the slight fact that there are actually no mummies in this film only paves the way for its critical mauling! You see, a Mummy is an ancient Egyptian King buried in a Golden Sarcophagus who has the arguable honour of having his brain wrenched from his skull through his nostrils. He is not a former Chinese Emperor who was turned to dust over a thousand years ago by an immortal Witch! This time round, its China’s turn to host a doomsday Mummy-fest – why not? It’s hosting the Olympics and after all, downtown Shanghai is stereotypical Mummy territory right? Wrong, and director Rob Cohen’s first stab at the Mummy franchise has this word daubed all over the screen in bold, red ink, even more so if you’re a fan of the first two films. Here, the effects still live up but the whole aspect of character development seems to have been swept to the sidelines in favour of appalling jokes and Chinese fireworks. The relationship between Fraser and newcomer, Maria Bello is laughable to say the least and the only time anyone pauses for breath is to shoot or blow something up! The film also suffers badly from inaccuracies. In the second film, archaeologist Rick O’Connell (Fraser) and Evelyn (Rachel Weisz) were married and had an eight-year-old son, Alex. But now, just seven years later, Alex has suddenly become a twenty something-year-old Mummy basher! Also, does any one else find the inclusion of Mountain Yetis, or Abominable Snowmen in a Mummy film simply hilarious??? Both Jet Li and Michelle Yeoh are indeed welcome additions to the franchise and thank God they’re here – at least Yeoh’s character is believable and her brilliantly choreographed final battle with Li is visually stunning. Yeoh is also immortal in the film, well, any woman who has a two thousand-year-old daughter who looks about ten would have to be, unless the Chinese know something about Plastic Surgery us Westerners don’t. Whoever cast American actress Maria Bello for the role of Evelyn O’Connell, the posh, sexy, kick-*** British Egyptologist, formerly played by Rachel Weisz, should be shot! I found it remarkable that Hollywood had the cheek to replace Weisz, a fantastic actress who was a thrill from start to finish in the first two films. No doubt Bello is convincing when playing the right parts, but here, she just doesn’t seem to find her comfort zone in Weisz’s shoes, sporting an absolutely diabolic British accent which at times sound like a cross between Australian and Irish. Perhaps Bello’s slick dagger twirling and shooting skills are enough to make the audience not wish to see her get eaten by the Yetis and her revealing night gowns certainly add a sense of brief eye candy for male audience members. But Weisz’s absence is still severely felt…and missed. The film is hit with yet more bullet wounds in the form of its awful “humour” and desperately unfunny one liners, all of which sink like lead balloons. Take Evelyn’s brother, Johnathan (John Hannah), who to be fair was hilarious in the first two films but here, tries to squeeze every last drop out of his disastrous dialogue by pulling strange faces and constantly flapping his arms. I mean, one has to wonder whether the Screenwriters have any wit or originality at all when a huge hairy beast, who is bizarrely one of the passengers in a rickety aeroplane which almost crash lands into the Himalayas, vomits all over Hannah and the audience gets rewarded with the line ‘the yak yakked’. Save us!
Its not all bad news for Mummy 3, however. The Special Effects are at times, breathtaking and the spectacular, firework-laden chariot chase through the streets of Shanghai is certainly a highlight. Some of the Himalayan wide shots are stunning, presuming they’re not all CGI and for part of the film, the O’Connell’s transport is a ramshackle plane who’s Pilot is Irish and addicted to alcohol – what a surprise! But one is left feeling deflated and frustrated at the end of the film. After yet another, computer-generated battle sequence, which is by far the poorest of the last decade, we cut straight back to downtown Shanghai! As if the whole battle sequence was just a dream. No results, no conclusions, no characters going their separate ways. Its sad the film suffers this way because its not the fault of the actors (well, perhaps Bello), or even the director – it’s the Screenwriters and Editors who are to blame here and no one else. I heard the reason Rachel Weisz chose not to reprise her role as Evelyn was due to ‘problems with the Script’. That is the biggest understatement anybody could give this film and even if Weisz was in it, I don’t think she could have saved it. A disappointing; overblown and at times, simply ridiculous end to what was once quite an exciting franchise!
D
Does anyone else agree?
Once Again,gail T Here Regarding Severe Back Pain?
Filed in The Category X-ray Jokes
I really appriciate those who answered intellegently.As for having various drinks
taking some advil,a hot bath,get a message,go to a chiropractor,is not all allowed,the bath yes,but there is no chiropractor,massage theripist that will take
me in.I have to go to pain management.And for those who don’t know what that
is and want to make jokes about it,etc…I would LOVE for anyone who has a back that is literally wasted and before I quickly explain,I wanted to throw this back issue out to see how many people really understand what one back issue
that has gone unattended for some time can do to a person all because they
wanted to keep working knowing the consequences.The shots I get are not
steroids,I just can’t pronounce the name of the medicine.One section is done
3 times,wait 3 months then they go to another section.7 to 8″ long needles that
are injected slowly as the doctor has my back on an x-ray screen.They numb
around the area after that you can’t help but cry.LOP.
Ahahahahahhah A Very Very Funny Doctor Joke?what You Say?
Filed in The Category Doctor Jokes
A couple, age 67, went to the doctor’s office.
The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”
The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?”
The doctor looked puzzled but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, “There is nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,” and he charged them $32.00 for the office visit.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.
Finally the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”
The old man replied, “We’re not trying to find out anything. She is married and we can’t go to her house. I am married so we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60.00. The Hilton charges $98.00, we do it here for $32.00, and I get back $28.00 from Medicare for a visit to the doctor’s office.”
STAR! if you liked the joke..
Did You Read The Y!a Blog About The Joke Where The Person In The Nursing Home?
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
was sucking the chocolate off the peanuts? The Y!A person was saying this joke would be a violation. I read through the Y!A guidelines – I have to admit it was the first time – and going according to the guidelines a huge percentage of questions and answers on Y!A shouldn’t be here. For instance, it says to not make Y!A your personal soapbox to rant and rave. Guess I’d better leave.
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