FREE Medical Jokes - HaHaHa
Doctor Joke. (tonight Is Doctor Night.)?
Filed in The Category Doctor Jokes
A 97 year old man goes into his doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I want my sex drive lowered.”
“Sir”, replied the doctor, “You’re 97. Don’t you think your sex drive is all in your head?”
“You’re darn right it is!” replied the old man. “That’s why I want it lowered!”
Can Anyone Suggest A Good Plastic Surgeon In Columbus,ohio ?
Filed in The Category Plastic Surgery Jokes
That reconstructs microtic ears ?
I’m 15 and my surgeon was going to do part one where they take cartilage from your rib and use that to fix the ear. Before the surgery started, the ansesthesiologist stuck a tube down the wrong lung and something made them uneven.
SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY.
JOKE ANSWERS WILL BE REPORTED.
THANKS
Like This Blonde Joke?
Filed in The Category Veterinarian Jokes
The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise.
“You need to make sure this dog runs around,” the doctor said.
“Try playing a game of fetch.”
“I can’t play fetch with my dog,” the blonde said.
“Why not?” the doctor asked.
“Because,” she replied, “He can’t throw.”
Doctors And Nurses Joke?
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
A woman brings eight year old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight year old daughter.
Johnny’s mother says: “Let’s not be too harsh on them. They are bound to be curious about sex at that age.”
“Curious about sex?!” Replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her fu***ng appendix out!”
Help Identifying A Film?
Filed in The Category X-ray Jokes
I remember watching this film as a kid and recently saw a clip of it on TV. It’s basically about a bloke in his 20’s or 30’s with a mullet and crazy *** dress sense who happens across some x-ray specs. When he puts them on, he can see through the skin of all these bad secret society type people and when he watches TV, he can see all these subliminal messages. At first he thinks it’s a joke but soon realises it’s not. One scene in particular I can recall is when he is watching TV in a public place and when he puts the x-ray specs on, the guy on the TV, who is giving a speech, has a skeleton head and the word ‘Obey’ behind him in black and white. Please help with this it’s been doing my head in for bloody ages!! Cheers
Doctor Joke Lol?
Filed in The Category Doctor Jokes
A man and a woman were on a nude beach when a wasp flew into the woman’s vagina. In a rush the guy pulled on his shorts, wrapped a towel around the woman, and ran to the hospital.
When they got there the doctor said, “The only way I can think to get the wasp out is to slather some honey on my penis and lure it out.”
The doctor then offered his services for a mere $50. After a long pause, the couple agreed. The doctor happily slathered on some honey and went in. After a couple of thrusts the husband said, “Hey, what the hell is going on?”
The doctor says, “Change of plans — I’m going to drown the bastard.”
How Can I Improve My Singing Voice?
Filed in The Category Plastic Surgery Jokes
Of course I should get singing lessons which will include breathing exercises and I will do. But what other more drastic things can I do? I am going to start drinking lemon water with honey every day and is there some kind of plastic surgery of the voicebox I can get to improve my voice (no joke).
Funny Or Not Nurses Joke?
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
Three nurses died and went to Heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter, who questioned them.
“What did you used to do back on Earth?” he asked the first nurse. “Why do you think you should be allowed into Heaven?”
She told him, “I was a nurse at an inner city hospital. I worked to bring healing and peace to many sufferers, especially poor children.”
“Very noble. You may enter.” And he ushered her through the gates. He asked the same questions to the next nurse.
“I was a missionary nurse in the Amazon. For many years I worked with a small group of doctors and nurses to help people in numerous tribes, healing them and telling them of God’s love.” The second nurse replied.
“Excellent!” said St. Peter. And he ushered her through the gates as well. Finally he posed his questions to the third nurse.
She hesitated, then explained, “I was just a nurse at an HMO.”
St. Peter considered her answer for a moment, then told her, “Well, you can enter, too.”
“Wow!” the nurse exclaimed in relief. “I almost thought you weren’t going to let me in.”
“Oh, you can certainly come in,” St. Peter told her, “but you can only stay for three days.”
Milkman, Lawyer, And Doctor Joke?
Filed in The Category Doctor Jokes
A man is going home. When he gets to his door he hears his wife yell, “No john, dont do it!”. When he gets inside, he sees a Doctor, a Lawyer, and the Milkman around his wife. His wife is dead. How does he know the milkman killed her? The husband doesnt know these people and has never seen them in his life. How does he know the milkman did it?
Funny Joke But Take No Offense Its Just A Joke.?
Filed in The Category Veterinarian Jokes
Subject: REDNECK VASECTOMY
After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. ‘A less costly alternative,’ said the doctor, ‘is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.’
The Alabaman said to the doctor, ‘I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.’
‘Trust me,’ said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
‘1′
‘2′
‘3′
‘4′
‘5′
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Texas, Mississippi, North Carolina, Florida, and West Virginia
Dodgy Dentists?
Filed in The Category X-ray Jokes
i was at the dentist yesterday where i was due to get a temporary crown, this was my third visit after having my x-rays consultation etc etc…When i walked in it there was a different dentist there, he was only bout 33 and didnt really look the part. But anyway he asked a few questions which he should have already known from my files, he then gave me another x-ray even though i told him id had weeks back, then he started to trill into my tooth and half way through went across to the other dentists room to ask him what he should do next, after much of this carrying on and to cut along story short, the end result was a joke he gave me a big split between my teeth which ive never had and told me it would be sorted in 2 weeks when my new crown was on, i told him i wasnt leaving until he filled it in and i caught him making a hand gesture behind my back, so he filled it in, now looks worse,im getting it done with another dentist nxt wk & i didnt pay him a penny, but im so upset and angry.?
This Doctor Doctor Joke Is Sooo Fuunnyy!!!?!!!?
Filed in The Category Doctor Jokes
doctor: i have some bad news and some even worse news.
patient: whats the bad news?
doctor: you have 24 hours to live.
patient: what could be worse than that?
doctor: i’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday!
Terry Fator On Dvd, Was It Too Soon For A M.jackson Joke ?? It Felt Like It.?
Filed in The Category Plastic Surgery Jokes
Terry Fator (winner of America’s Got Talent Season One)
Is A Ventreloquist Who’s DVD, Live In Las Vegas, Was Released
This Past Tuesday … I Think Out Of Respect, And Since He Hasn’t Been Buried Yet, It Was Too Soon For The 10 Minutes Of Michael Jackson Impersonations To Be On That DVD. The Company Who Released The DVD Should Have Had More Respect. I Mean, YES, I Laughed. Terry Fator Was Dressed As M.Jackson, In His Thriller Jacket, Voicing M.Jackson, And It Sounded Just Like Him. But, There Were Jokes About Him Being A Sissy, Plastic Surgery, etc. I Think It Was Too Soon.
This Is Not Terry Fator’s Fault As This Was Pre-Recorded Before Michael Jacksons Death, But The DVD Company (not sure who it is) Should Have Known Better. This Should’ve Been Cut.
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