By: Dont know nuthin

Dont know nuthin — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 09:26:28 +0000

What’s the difference between a paramedic and God?
God doesn’t think he’s a paramedic
______________________________________…
A man comes into the ER and yells “My wife’s
going to have her baby in the cab!”
The ER physician grabs his stuff, rushes out
to the cab, lifts the lady’s dress, and begins
to take off her underwear. Suddenly he notices
that there are several cabs, and he’s in the
wrong one.
______________________________________…
You’ve Been In EMS Too Long If
When SOB now means Shortness Of Breath, and not necessarily how you feel about a person.
When your spouse has his or her hands on you, and the reason is practicing Patient Assessment, and not passion.
When you’re doing Ambulance duty, and go home, your own dog won’t let you into the family house, because it no longer recognizes you.
When members of the opposite sex are on the same vehicle in various states of half-dress, and nobody notices enough to mention it, or be embarrassed.
When “latex” no longer immediately brings to mind safe sex, but the gloves you wear.
When family pets clear a path when they hear the tones go off, so they won’t get mowed over, then greet you when you come home, forgiving you for doing just that.
When caffeine becomes a SEDATIVE.
When you shake a person’s hand, and your first thought is “Great veins.”
When a motionless and silent child is no longer a desired sight.
When you notice that your worst “Pre-EMS bad hair day” isn’t even close to your very best “EMS hair day”…and neither you nor your partner mentions it or are embarrassed by it anymore.
You know the patient’s medical history better than they do.
When starting your personal vehicle, you reach for the “Battery On” switch
______________________________________…
Ten Rules of EMS:
1.Skin signs tell all
2.Sick people don’t *****
3.Air goes in and out, blood goes round and round, any variation on this is a bad thing.
4.About 70% of the battery patients more than likely deserved it.
5.The more equipment you see on a EMT’s belt, the newer they are. The more patches someone has on their jacket, the fewer actual patients they have ever seen. If they have instructor rockers, they have NEVER seen a real patient.
6.When dealing with patients, supervisors, or citizens, if it felt good saying it, it was the wrong thing to say.
7.All bleeding stops….eventually.
8.All people will eventually die, no matter what you do
9.If the child is quiet, be scared.
10.Never trust (fill in the blank) to be fully stocked. If you don’t have it improvise (improvisation is the mother of invention)
11.Probies always look for large things in the smallest compartments and vice versa
12.If the pt is going to vomit aim them on the person you like least
13.Sick people only call because they couldn’t get into their car. They apologize for bothering you when you have sick people to see. Be scared when you see these people.
14.When a pregnant woman says “The baby is coming”, you damn well better believe her.
15.When a patient says “I think I am going to die” he is probably right.
16.There are more than ten rules.
17. Oh yeah, and that dog that ” never bites”, really does !!!!!!!

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By: Dont know nuthin