This Question From Very Funny Jokes | 6 Answers
If you know a funny joke could you post it. I’m in need of some laughter thanks.
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Italian Girl….
For several years, an American man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write ‘Spaghetti’ on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
‘Honey,’ she said, ‘you received a very strange post card today.’ ‘Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,’ he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
‘Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three with meatballs, two without.
‘Send extra sauce
A guy can’t obtain an erection so he goes to the doctor.
The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there’s nothing he can do unless he’s willing to try an experimental surgery.
The guy asks what the surgery is.
The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best.
The guy says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier so go ahead. The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later gives him the go ahead to “try out his new equipment”.
The guy takes his girlfriend out to dinner.
While at dinner he starts feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It gets incredibly unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants.
No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears back into his pants.
His girlfriend sits in shock for a few moments, then gets a sly look on her face.
She says “That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?”
With his eyes watering and a painful expression on his face, he says “Probably, but I don’t know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ***!”.
Two students are away on a skiing trip for the weekend. They have a big exam on monday, so they plan to study throughout the weekend. Of course, they are having way too much fun to do any real studying.
Come monday morning, they realize there’s no way they will pass the exam, so they decide to call their professor with an excuse. They tell him they are on their way back from the weekend, but their tire has blown out and they won’t be able to be back in time for the exam. The professor is very understanding and says they can resit the exam on friday. Gratefully they accept and go home to study all week.
On friday the two students arrive at the professors office, all ready to take their test. The professor puts each student in a different room and gives them the exam paper. As the students turn it over to tart, they see there is only one question:
“Which tire?
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!
“I’m sorry Mr. Sam,” said the mortician, “but I can’t send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity.”
And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man’s distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.
“I have something to show you that you won’t believe,” he said, and opened his briefcase.
“Oh, my God!” she screamed, “Sam is dead!”
an america, mexican and a german are in a plane.
The American drops an apple on his country.
The Mexican drops a pair on his country.
The German drops a BOMB on his country.
Later on, the American is on the streets of his country and sees a boy crying and asked what was wrong and the boy said an apple fell out of the sky and hit him on the head.
The Mexican is walking on te streets of his country and sees a girl crying and asked whats wrong and she said a pair fell out of the sky and hit her on the head.
The German is walking on the streets of his country and sees a man laughing and asked what happened and he said “I farted and the building behind me blew up!”
lol
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