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BP will solve every problem in the mexico goulf (it’s rather funny)
womens rights! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
i just pissed myself
or simply the, french army
or americans , oh lol that never gets old
revenge takes time, i mean americans dumped our tea in 1773, so 237 years later we brits dump their oil, muhahaha,
are fart jokes okay?
my little brother thinks this joke is hilarious [i forgot the details, but its something like this]:
three men were on a hot air balloon but it was too heavy so they each had to throw something off. the first person, who worked out a lot, threw off some weights. the second person, who loved eating and cooking, threw out some pots. the third person, a pyromaniac, threw off some molotov cocktails. when they landed, the saw a little boy crying. they asked him why and he said “some weights fell out of the sky and crushed my new toy car”. they kept going and saw a little girl crying and they asked why. “some pots fell out of the sky and crushed my new dollhouse”. they kept going and saw a class of little kids laughing and they asked why. a little kid from the class said “the teacher farted and the whole school blew up”.
lol its really funny when my little brother tells this joke bc he can never say the last line because hes laughing so hard. (hes in 3rd grade)
who lives in a pineapple under the sea sponge bob square pants who died in an oil spill because of BP sponge bob square pants
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When is the best time to buy a budgie?
When it’s going cheap!
Why was mushroom always invited to parties?
Because he was a fun-gi
English man and Australian man in a hospice
English Man: have you come here to die?
Aussie Man: no mate i come here yesterdie
1… 2… 3… 4… ?
This is a joke from Indonesia.
So there was an Indonesian guy accidentally hit a white American guy…
Indonesian guy: “i’m sorry mister..”
American: “i’m sorry too.”
Indonesian: “i’m sorry three..!”
American: “what are you sorry for??”
Indonesian: “i’m sorry five!”
American: “what?!! you sick!”
Indonesian: “i’m sorry seven!”
Swine Flu
Q:What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
A:for bird flu,you need TWEETment,and for swine flu,you need OINKment!
Restaurant Joke
I was in a restaurant the other day lookingat the dessert menu.I said to the waitress “I’ll have the mirage meringue “She replied “We dontdo that sir” and I said “Oh I’m sorry I thought I saw it here somewhere”.
Sick one
Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.
Such a pity it was a puppy.
The really funny jokes aren’t clean.
Some funnies from Insurance Claim Forms
“I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.”
“On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.”
“I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.”
“I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.”
“The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.”
“I collided with a stationary lorry coming the other way.”
“In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”
“I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached a crossroads a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.”
“An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.”
“I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.”
There was a married couple sleeping and a psycho killer entered into their house. The killer put a knife to the neck of the woman and said, “I like to know the names of my victims before I kill them, what is your name?”
”My name is Elizabeth,” the woman replied.
The killer said, “You remind me of my mother who was also named Elizabeth, so I can’t kill you.”
The killer then turned to the husband and asked, “What is your name?”
“My name’s Phillip, but my friends call me Elizabeth, too.”
OK! Here goes…
An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”
Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Glenwood, but you’re 80 years old. What would you possibly need birth control pills for?”
The woman replied, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor considered this for a second, and continued… “How in the world do birth control pills help you sleep?”
The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice, and I sleep better at night.”
A school inspector asked the class, “If length of the platform is 200 metres and speed of the train is 100 kilometres what should be my age?”
Noting the absurdity of the question, a clever student answered, “Fifty years, sir.” The answer was absolutely correct.
The inspector was astounded. He asked the boy his method of calculation. “Simple, sir,” the boy replied, “I have an elder brother aged 25 years and everybody calls him half mad!”
…
A Saudi Prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying:”Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,but I’m a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train.”
Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar check saying:”Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too”!!!.
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