“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
“Because I said so, that’s why.”
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”
Circle Of Life
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
“Stop acting like your father!”
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
“Just wait until we get home.”
“You are going to get it when you get home!”
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”
How To Become An Adult
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
“You’re just like your father.”
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you”
August 5, 2013 at 1:47 pm
Things Your Mother Wouldn’t Say
“Be good and for your birthday I’ll buy you a motorcycle!”
“How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”
“Don’t bother wearing a jacket–it’s quite warm out.”
“Let me smell that shirt–yeah, it’s good for another week.”
“I think a cluttered bedroom is a sign of creativity.”
“Yeah, I used to skip school, too.”
“Just leave all the lights on…it makes the house more cheery.”
“Could you turn the music up louder so I can enjoy it, too?”
“Run and bring me the scissors! Hurry!”
“Aw, just turn these undies inside out. No one will ever know.”
“I don’t have a tissue with me–just use your sleeve.”
“Well, if Timmy’s Mom says it’s okay, that’s good enough for me.”
“Of course you should walk to school and back. What’s the big deal about having to cross a few main streets?”
“My meeting won’t be over till later tonight. You kids don’t mind if we skip dinner?
August 5, 2013 at 1:36 pm
Here is a light hearted presentation of what we all think about our moms, at different points of our lives. Don’t get surprised because we all have the same tendency towards our mothers!
4 Years Of Age – My Mommy can do anything;
8 Years Of Age – My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot
12 Years Of Age -My Mother doesn’t really know quite everything.
14 Years Of Age -Naturally, Mother doesn’t know that, either
16 Years Of Age -Mother? She’s hopelessly old-fashioned
18 Years Of Age -That old woman? She’s way out of date
25 Years Of Age -Well, she might know a little bit about it
35 Years Of Age -Before we decide, let’s get Mom’s opinion
45 Years Of Age -Wonder what Mom would have thought about it
65 Years Of Age -Wish, I could talk it over with Mom
-Mother to daughter advice:
Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
But teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend!!!.
buttered toast is a myth says
August 5, 2013 at 1:17 pm
A Mother’s Dictionary
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.
Defense: What you’d better have around de yard if you’re going to let the children play outside.
Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.
Full name: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.
Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.
Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
Look out: What it’s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.
Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can’t quite reach anything.
Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.
Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
Two-minute warning: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal: Able to whine in words
Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into “get a sponge.”
When Johnny had a new sister, he became envious of the attention she was getting. One day while his mother was nursing the baby, Johnny was getting unyielding about being on mom’s lap. Mom wasn’t able to deal with both children at that time and told Johnny to go wait for her. He then asked his mom: “Mommy, can you please put Clara back in your tummy now?”
August 5, 2013 at 12:52 pm
Ok so a mother walks into a Mexican donkey banging show and…… oh wait….. clean jokes… ok scratch that.