Has Anyone Got Any Funny Jokes Not To Long Rude Jokes Are Ok As Well?

This Question From Rude Jokes | 20 Answers

QUESTION:

If a blonde and a read head jump of a building which one would land first?
A: The red head cause’ the blonde had to stop and ask directions.

20 Comments so far

Brealee on October 30, 2009 5:53 am
Little Johnny is passing his parents’ bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims “Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?” Daddy, relieved that Johnny’s not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out “Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!!!.”
Brainz on October 30, 2009 6:13 am
why is santa’s sack so big?
cause he only cums only once a year! LOL
what do you call a gay dinosuar?
mega-sore-***!
whats faster than a black guy with a tv?
his brother with the vcr.
theres a black guy a mexican guy in a car,whose driving?
a cop!
a black guy and a mexican jump off a cliff, who falls first?
Who cares?
what do you call a bunch of black people in a barn?
antique farm equipment.
why do black people have white palms?
cause everyone has a little good in them.
what was missing in the million man march?
a million miles of chains and an auctioneer.
what does pontiac stand for?
poor old ****** thinks its a cadillac.
G-Son on October 30, 2009 6:58 am
I was walking down the road the other day and I saw this advert in the window that said “Television for Sale – £1- Volume Stuck On Full”.
I thought: “I can’t turn that down!”.
“So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me “Can you give me a lift?” I said “Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’”
“So I went to the dentist. He said “Say Aaah.” I said “Why?” He said “My dog’s died.’”
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous the other day and stood up and said, “I have a gambling problem.”
Another guy stood up and said, “I think you want Gamblers Anonymous.”
So I said, “you’re probably right, I’m so drunk I don’t know where I am.”
So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said ‘Who’s speaking please?’ And a voice said ‘You are.’”
“So I rang up a local building firm, I said ‘I want a skip outside my house.’ He said ‘I’m not stopping you.
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah, I thought ‘he’s trying to pull a fast one’.
Do you know what really makes my blood boil?
Crematoriums
The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my house.
I didn’t know what to make of it.
I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, “How many potatoes would you like Tim?”. I said “Ooh, I’ll just have one please”. She said “It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite” “Alright” I said “I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow”
I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn’t put it down.
You invented Tipp Ex, correct me if I’m wrong.
So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said “Analogue?” I said “No, just a watch.”
I went into a shop and I said, “Can someone sell me a kettle.” The bloke said “Kenwood?” I said, “Where is he?”
So I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?” I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said
‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.”
When it comes to cosmetic surgery… a lot of people turn their noses up.
Joey on October 30, 2009 7:22 am
lmao im really not the funny type alot but whenever me and my boyfriend are hanging eachother [he’s black)
i always say
” have you ever wondered why ur skin is black but the bottom of your feet and palms arent ”
him – why
” because when u were born god put you on ur fours and painted you black…
lmao..
omq i cracked myself up. heheh
i love my baby so much.
HiS WiFE. <3 on October 30, 2009 8:05 am
how does a blonde change from a blonde to a brunette, then back to a blonde, then back to a brunette, & so on?
by doin cartwheeels JJJJJJJJEAAAHHH hhahahaha
Jazlyn on October 30, 2009 8:23 am
Are you always an idiot, or is it just when you’re at Yahoo! answers?
jay_d on October 30, 2009 9:10 am
I always wanted to be a fireman when i was growing up but they wouldnt let me…..
why you ask?
because there is a hole in my bucket and my hose is to small
some 85 year old man told me that one the other day
elivia chadwick on October 30, 2009 10:06 am
This is a racist joke that has been passed down in my family for generations. By the way, im white
What do you call a black priest??
Holy Sh!t.
Pineapple E on October 30, 2009 10:39 am
A boy watches his mum and dad having sex he ask, “What are you doing ?”
His dad replies, “Making you a brother or sister!”
Boy says, “Do her doggy style, I want a puppy.”
The Saint on October 30, 2009 11:16 am
what happened to the monster that went out in the rain?
Naruto_F on October 30, 2009 12:08 pm
this joke i got from a tv show or a movie
“Your momma is so fat that when she jumps in the air, she gets stuck”
R.R on October 30, 2009 12:21 pm
Q. Why does beyonce sing: ‘to the left to the left`?
A. Because black people have no rights!
Fraser on October 30, 2009 12:50 pm
KNOCK KNOCK
James on October 30, 2009 1:43 pm
A girl asks her boyfriend. Do you prefer women to be smart or pretty? He replies: neither, I prefer you.
colonk on October 30, 2009 1:53 pm
what yu call a lezbian dinosaur?
lick-alot-of-puss
Tas on October 30, 2009 2:42 pm
Q) What is ET short for?
A) Because he has little legs!!
Ry on October 30, 2009 3:14 pm
whats green and smells like pork? kermit the frogs finger
ALL4MYDO on October 30, 2009 4:03 pm
(Insert name here)!
What?
Chicken butt!
Helennnn on October 30, 2009 4:17 pm
say what?
sataceld on October 30, 2009 4:34 pm
Women’s rights.

Has Anyone Got Any Funny Jokes Not To Long Rude Jokes Are Ok As Well?

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