This Question From Paramedic Jokes | 11 Answers
Well I am just genuinely horrible and people don’t understand. I snap at my mom even thrash out at her. I hate it when she rings. I have attempted suicide before. I was kicked out of home a few months ago because I became too energetic and started squealing, I don’t know why I did that but it seemed to help me cope with living. It is like I don’t know how to love. I don’t have any friends at all and I take no interest in other people (although I make an effort but I guess unfortunately for me I am selfish). I am fat and the only respite I get from being the horrible person that I am is when I am eating. I feel like I am trapped. This is not who I want to be but I can’t escape. I am ugly, poor, unfashionable. Basically I am everything a person wouldn’t want. Even worse than all of this is that I drank too much vodka a few months ago and ended up punching a paramedic, I now have a criminal record for that and that is what ultimately makes it impossible for me to change who I am… the criminal record will be there forever. I remember the person talking to my aunt (who I used to live with) and saying that I needed to move out, I feel so unloved, unwanted and it is all my fault. Even in school I was a loner and bullied, being called moron etc. It is like life is a living hell ridden with bad feelings. I do not wish this hell upon anybody but I just wish to get out of this trap I am in. I get used by people and I am too stupid to say no. I do what everybody wants but they never do any favors for me. I am happy to be nice to people if I can but even then there is something telling me that I am wrong and nasty. It is like deep down I literally feel my stomach clenched all the time and feel like crying but can’t. I don’t even laugh at jokes, and I am a boring person to be around… I just genuinely don’t care anymore about anything… if I don’t find a way out soon then I will have to carry out my only other option. What do I do?
11 Comments so far
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you need to see a therapist. your problems are deep rooted so get professional help.
I cannot say this is a diagnosis, but look up “Borderline Personality Disorder” on wikipedia and see if the DSM-IV criteria seem to apply to you.
It is something that therapy can solve. Some of the things you mention seem to obliquely point to that as a possible cause. If you have spikes of emotion that others find “too extreme,” feelings of emptiness, unstable and intense relationships, feelings of emptiness, and self-destructive behavior … those can point to BPD or perhaps Bipolar or another Personality Disorder.
Medication may help also, but therapy is your best way to finding coping strategies. I know this sounds like a weak solution, but it is much better than ceasing to exist.
Please go to your Doctor and ask for a referral for a Psychiatric assessment. Your behaviour is reactive, that is you have had a lot of unpleasant experiences but cognitive behavioural therapy can give you the tools you need to better cope with life. You are responsible both for your behaviour and your choices but often some guidance is all that’s needed to get people back on the right track. I wish you better emotional health. :0)
It sounds like you’ve never actually been loved, or if you have you didnt think it was real, and now your trying to punish yourself because you believe its your fault, firstly id say get some professional help, and go to your doctor they can prescribe medication if they feel you need it but you have to find the courage to go and talk to them only you can do this, and maybe find someone who you can talk to? even if you dont know them, its better than to keep things bottled up as thats the worse thing to do, if you ever wanted to talk you can talk to me
i know you dont know me but isnt it better than feeling like your alone? anyway if you’d like to talk, my email is kellyyoung@hotmail.co.uk 
go and speak to your doctor, they will direct you to the best possible person
you need to go talk to a doctor you can get help, nobody deserves to feel like this it doesnt matter what you think you did
Self pity is not good… plus you should never have been so nasty in the first place shud you you have ruined your entire life now.
You have to learn to say yes when you want to say yes, and say no when you want to say no. This is the first step. You’re not a horrible person, you are angry and resentful because people ‘walk all over you’ but it is up to you to stop that. Once you stand up for yourself, you’ll stop taking your anger out on the people you love the most—- in theory.
Do you know what a therapist will tell you? ‘How do you feel about that?’ ‘ What do you think is the solution’ etc. Want to know why? It’s because YOU (and everyone in the world) is responsible for their own happiness. It’s quite liberating.
Sounds like you’re trying to take on too much at once. It also sounds like you have a crystal ball or mind reading abilities if you can tell what other people think of you!
You need to make 2 moves…
1) Try to find and focus on something that makes you smile and makes you happy, rather than spending your days and ultimately your life worrying and thinking about all the things that allegedly make you horrible!
2) Sort out the emotional problems that you have, by means of therapy or something like it!
I couldn’t say your a horrible person but i can sure as hell tell you your horrible at writing structure. Use a few paragraphs love.
buy an envelop and a stamp and post yourself to your mother … do it today
and start living in that what she has to train you for a year … put yourself in her camp voluntarily