Ok umm How do you keep a blond destracted?
put her in a round room and tell her to pee in a corner
How do you make a blond drown?
put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool
Olivia G on
September 28, 2009 1:22 am
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?”
The first man replies: “Well, for a while I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn’t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn’t you know it, he wouldn’t fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn’t stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy.”
“That sounds like a pretty bad day to me,” said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
“It’s been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn’t hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I’m here.”
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story.
“Picture this,” says the third man, “I’m hiding naked inside a refrigerator…”
Manuel on
September 28, 2009 1:51 am
A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, “Mommy, How old are you?”
The mother responded, “Honey, women don’t talk about their age. You’ll learn this as you get older.”
The girl then asked, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?”
Her mother responded again, “That’s another thing women don’t talk about. You’ll learn this, too, as you grow up.”
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, “Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, “Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don’t want to talk about it now.”
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend’s house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother’s conversation.
The girlfriend said, “All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother’s driver’s license. It’s just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything.”
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, “Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You’re 32 years old.”
The mother was very shocked. She asked, “Sweetheart, how do you know that?”
The little girl shrugged and said, “I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds.”
“Where did you learn that?”
The little girl said, “I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an ‘F’ in sex.”
Olivia on
September 28, 2009 2:35 am
It’s a long joke: (sorry if you’re offended, it has to do with heaven)
Three guys die and go up to heaven. They all meet Peter at the gate. He goes okay, “You will be given your method of transportation by the way you treated your spouse on earth.” The first guy says YES! And says, “Peter i’m happy to say I never cheated on my spouse once!”
Peter looks down at his book, and says”Ok, here are your keys to your golden lamborgini.” He takes the keys and walks away.
The second guy goes “Peter I can’t lie, I cheated on my wife 2 times.” Peter goes, “Here take these keys to your old, chipped paint mini-van.” The guy takes the keys and sulks away.
The 3rd guy gets up there and goes, “Peter, there is no way I can lie to you with that book there,so, I cheated with every woman I looked at!”
Peter looks at his book and says, “See that old trashy bike, with the crappy chain that falls off all the time? That’s yours.” The guy goes and takes the bike.
While riding he saw the guy with the lamborgini sitting out of his car, with his head in his hands. Guy#3 goes, ” Why are you so sad, look at the thing I got!” The guy goes, “No, I love my car. I just saw my wife, and she’s riding on a skateboard with NO wheels!”
Next one is:
There once was a kid who repeated everything everyone said. He went to music class and learned the notes “Me,me,me,me,me,me,me.” He repeated that until he went to lunch and heard some kids saying, “Forks and knives, forks and knives.” So he repeated that until he got home and heard a commercial that goes, “Plug it in, plug it in.” He repeated that too.
Next door, there was a murder that took place in the house. The next day while he was walking to school, two police stopped to ask him some questions about the murder next door. “Do you know anybody who could’ve done this?” the cop said. He goes”Me,me,me,me,me,me,me” Cop goes, “What weapons?” He goes” forks and knives, forks and knives” Cop goes, “any last words?” Kid goes, “Plug it in, plug it in.” And was taken to jail.
This next one is kinda gross:
One day a boy and his mother were watching Cinemax Late Nite, when they saw some people having sex.
“What are they doing, Mommy?”
“They’re making cupcakes.”
“Were you and Daddy making cupcakes on this couch last night?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
“Cuz I licked the frosting off this morning.”
Hehe, hope I helped.
Googly on
September 28, 2009 2:42 am
A funny little girl,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65XG566ho…
Some funny marriage jokes
Marriage quotes 01
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love;
after marriage, it is self-defense.
There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her.
They got married, and now he is going through hell.
Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
I am in total control, but don’t tell my wife.
If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way.
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
All marriages are happy–it’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems.
Thayne G on
September 28, 2009 2:51 am
Sorry this is not me who made this stupid joke my little brother wanted to help cheer you up so again it’s not Thayne:) ooo and i’m not writing the joke either it’s my BROTHER:)
Edyson G. typing. there are four people who got arrested from idk doing very bad stuff, yeah. they are locked behind bars each in thier own. well they had been planning for three days how to get out of prison finally they got it. the next day they told the policemen that they had to use the bathroom, “alright no talking or we’ll shoot you” so they say yeah, ok. well the first guy went to the bathroom he started talking while he was making crap and the police shot ‘im and he died. the next guy did the same as well as the one after and they two got shot and died. finally the last one still living went to the restroom and he was like constipated since he saw what happen to his friends he did this… think constipated (sounds gross but that’s how he said this)
“theeeers a guyah”
“What?” the policeman said
“theeers a guy and he went over theeeeeeeeeere”
Where?”
“over theeeeeeeeeer”
he he XD im Edyson and i approve this message.
?FriKkA? on
September 28, 2009 3:42 am
lee and larry were a pair of drunkies… they woke up witht the shakes one afternoon to find they had only forty cents between them.lee began to climb the walls, but larry said- ” look, old man, give me the forty cents and ill show you how we can drink free all day…”
so they went into a delicattessen, and lee bought a frankfurter, which he stuck in larrys fly..
next, they went into a nearby bar and ordered drinks. when the bartender asked for his money, lee got down on the floor and started sucking the frankfurter, the bartender screamed, “you f**king queers!! get out of here!
They repeated the scene in bar after bar until they had toured a dozen of them, finally, lee complained, “listen larry… its a great scheme, but my knees are getting sore from hitting the fllor so much.”
larry shook his head and said.”you SHOULD complain.. we lost the hot dog after the second bar…
I dont think one need jokes to cheer up, first figure out your depression reason. After some time u will b laughing at your self how stupid u are to b depressed on such a little issue.
letuslas on
September 28, 2009 5:21 am
8062750698
Its some joke line.
I dunno.
I never called it but i hear its funny..
bla bla on
September 28, 2009 5:23 am
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”
Jess on
September 28, 2009 5:39 am
how many blonde jokes are there?
only 1, the rest are true stories
haha when i heard that i cracked up!
Jessica on
September 28, 2009 6:24 am
what do u do if a blonde throws a grenade at you
pull the pin and throw it back
Ok umm How do you keep a blond destracted?
put her in a round room and tell her to pee in a corner
How do you make a blond drown?
put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, “Heaven’s getting pretty close to full today, and I’ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what’s your story?”
The first man replies: “Well, for a while I’ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn’t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn’t you know it, he wouldn’t fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn’t stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balchoy.”
“That sounds like a pretty bad day to me,” said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
“It’s been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn’t hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I’m here.”
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and St. Peter asked for his story.
“Picture this,” says the third man, “I’m hiding naked inside a refrigerator…”
A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, “Mommy, How old are you?”
The mother responded, “Honey, women don’t talk about their age. You’ll learn this as you get older.”
The girl then asked, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?”
Her mother responded again, “That’s another thing women don’t talk about. You’ll learn this, too, as you grow up.”
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, “Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?”
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, “Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don’t want to talk about it now.”
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend’s house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother’s conversation.
The girlfriend said, “All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother’s driver’s license. It’s just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything.”
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, “Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You’re 32 years old.”
The mother was very shocked. She asked, “Sweetheart, how do you know that?”
The little girl shrugged and said, “I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds.”
“Where did you learn that?”
The little girl said, “I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an ‘F’ in sex.”
It’s a long joke: (sorry if you’re offended, it has to do with heaven)
Three guys die and go up to heaven. They all meet Peter at the gate. He goes okay, “You will be given your method of transportation by the way you treated your spouse on earth.” The first guy says YES! And says, “Peter i’m happy to say I never cheated on my spouse once!”
Peter looks down at his book, and says”Ok, here are your keys to your golden lamborgini.” He takes the keys and walks away.
The second guy goes “Peter I can’t lie, I cheated on my wife 2 times.” Peter goes, “Here take these keys to your old, chipped paint mini-van.” The guy takes the keys and sulks away.
The 3rd guy gets up there and goes, “Peter, there is no way I can lie to you with that book there,so, I cheated with every woman I looked at!”
Peter looks at his book and says, “See that old trashy bike, with the crappy chain that falls off all the time? That’s yours.” The guy goes and takes the bike.
While riding he saw the guy with the lamborgini sitting out of his car, with his head in his hands. Guy#3 goes, ” Why are you so sad, look at the thing I got!” The guy goes, “No, I love my car. I just saw my wife, and she’s riding on a skateboard with NO wheels!”
Next one is:
There once was a kid who repeated everything everyone said. He went to music class and learned the notes “Me,me,me,me,me,me,me.” He repeated that until he went to lunch and heard some kids saying, “Forks and knives, forks and knives.” So he repeated that until he got home and heard a commercial that goes, “Plug it in, plug it in.” He repeated that too.
Next door, there was a murder that took place in the house. The next day while he was walking to school, two police stopped to ask him some questions about the murder next door. “Do you know anybody who could’ve done this?” the cop said. He goes”Me,me,me,me,me,me,me” Cop goes, “What weapons?” He goes” forks and knives, forks and knives” Cop goes, “any last words?” Kid goes, “Plug it in, plug it in.” And was taken to jail.
This next one is kinda gross:
One day a boy and his mother were watching Cinemax Late Nite, when they saw some people having sex.
“What are they doing, Mommy?”
“They’re making cupcakes.”
“Were you and Daddy making cupcakes on this couch last night?”
“Yes. How did you know?”
“Cuz I licked the frosting off this morning.”
Hehe, hope I helped.
A funny little girl,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65XG566ho…
Some funny marriage jokes
Marriage quotes 01
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence–a life sentence.
Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love;
after marriage, it is self-defense.
There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her.
They got married, and now he is going through hell.
Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.
I am in total control, but don’t tell my wife.
If your wife wants to learn how to drive, don’t stand in her way.
Marriage is the sole cause of divorce
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
All marriages are happy–it’s the living together afterward that causes all the problems.
Sorry this is not me who made this stupid joke my little brother wanted to help cheer you up so again it’s not Thayne:) ooo and i’m not writing the joke either it’s my BROTHER:)
Edyson G. typing. there are four people who got arrested from idk doing very bad stuff, yeah. they are locked behind bars each in thier own. well they had been planning for three days how to get out of prison finally they got it. the next day they told the policemen that they had to use the bathroom, “alright no talking or we’ll shoot you” so they say yeah, ok. well the first guy went to the bathroom he started talking while he was making crap and the police shot ‘im and he died. the next guy did the same as well as the one after and they two got shot and died. finally the last one still living went to the restroom and he was like constipated since he saw what happen to his friends he did this… think constipated (sounds gross but that’s how he said this)
“theeeers a guyah”
“What?” the policeman said
“theeers a guy and he went over theeeeeeeeeere”
Where?”
“over theeeeeeeeeer”
he he XD im Edyson and i approve this message.
lee and larry were a pair of drunkies… they woke up witht the shakes one afternoon to find they had only forty cents between them.lee began to climb the walls, but larry said- ” look, old man, give me the forty cents and ill show you how we can drink free all day…”
so they went into a delicattessen, and lee bought a frankfurter, which he stuck in larrys fly..
next, they went into a nearby bar and ordered drinks. when the bartender asked for his money, lee got down on the floor and started sucking the frankfurter, the bartender screamed, “you f**king queers!! get out of here!
They repeated the scene in bar after bar until they had toured a dozen of them, finally, lee complained, “listen larry… its a great scheme, but my knees are getting sore from hitting the fllor so much.”
larry shook his head and said.”you SHOULD complain.. we lost the hot dog after the second bar…
http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/
I find this highly amusing
(:
I dont think one need jokes to cheer up, first figure out your depression reason. After some time u will b laughing at your self how stupid u are to b depressed on such a little issue.
8062750698
Its some joke line.
I dunno.
I never called it but i hear its funny..
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”
how many blonde jokes are there?
only 1, the rest are true stories
haha when i heard that i cracked up!
what do u do if a blonde throws a grenade at you
pull the pin and throw it back
Read them on http://www.Ejokx.com
yo mama so fat every time she weres high haels she strikes oil
watch kat williams you could watch it on youtube, or movie25.com. Or watch Chris Rock.