5 Comments so far

1. Jade R on November 8, 2009 2:17 pm

   Here’s a good one
   A man had a terrible passion for baked beans, but they always had a somewhat lively effect on him. After he met the woman of his dreams, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave them up; he couldn’t imagine subjecting his new wife to his beastly emissions. On his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his wife and told her he’d have to walk home. He walked past a cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he was still a couple of miles from home, he figured he could indulge, and then walk off any ill effects. So he had three extra-large helpings of beans, and he “put-putted” all the way home. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, “Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!” She blindfolded him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table, making him promise not to peek. At this point, he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang and she went to answer it.
   While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He gasped and felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. This one sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. He tried flapping his arms, to clear the air. But another one snuck out, and the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.
   When he heard his wife ending her conversation, he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. He was the picture of innocence when she walked in.
   Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner. He assured her he had not, so she removed the blindfold and yelled, “Surprise!!!”
   To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

2. Joe K on November 8, 2009 3:07 pm

   Horse Ride
   A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.
   It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
   She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to it’s slipping rider.
   Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the surface over and over.
   As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune …………………….
   The Wal-Mart manager sees her and shuts the horse off

3. duval on November 8, 2009 4:03 pm

   Say polish it behind the corner really fast

4. David on November 8, 2009 4:40 pm

   Q. What do you call a black person flying a plane?
   A. A pilot…you racist!

5. Taylor the midget on November 8, 2009 5:10 pm

   Q:what did the farmer when he lost his trackor A:where is my tractor