Read The Newest Jokes - Hahaaa
Want 3 quick jokes?
Filed in The Category Quick Jokes
What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant?
Angus McCoatup
My mate’s so humourless….the last time he cracked a gag was in an S&M dungeon!
What’s the most dangerous insect? The hepatitis bee
vwcarmen2 – No, I’m that rich I have a man doing my ironing for me!
what’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever had to go to the hospital for….?
Filed in The Category Paramedic Jokes
had to go to ER once coz apparently [accidentally] OD”d on sleep meds… never looked so sheep-like in all my years : /
to add insult to injury the paramedic was directing Jew jokes at the doc the whole time….
no me not jewish… it just didn’t feel appropriate, y’know? 
made fae girders – is it still like that then?? lol
Warning For All Women Now is this funny or true you tell me (Sorry it another long joke)?
Filed in The Category Funny Medical Stories
WARNING FOR ALL WOMEN !
This is a heads up to those friends who haven’t experienced it yet, and an explanation to those friends and family who have. Most of you have read the scare-mail about the person whose kidneys were stolen while he was passed out. Well, read on. While the kidney story was an urban legend, this one is not. It’s happening every day.
My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. It was just that quick. I went to sleep in my body and woke up with someone else’s thighs. The new ones had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Who would have done such a cruel thing to legs that had been mine for years? Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans and Sheer Energy pantyhose.
Then, just when my guard was down, the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I know it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear end (although badly attached at least three inches lower than my original) to the thighs they stuck me with earlier. Now, my rear end complimented my legs, lump for lump. Frantic, I prayed that long skirts would stay in fashion.
It was two years ago when I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and I watched horrified but fascinated as the flesh of my upper arms swung to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary. My body was being replaced one section at a time. How clever and fiendish.
Age? Age had nothing to do with it. Age is supposed to creep up, unnoticed, something like maturity. NO, I was being attacked repeatedly and without warning. In despair I gave up my T-shirts. What could they do to me next?
My poor neck disappeared more quickly than the Thanksgiving turkey it now resembled. That’s why I decided to tell my story. I can’t take on the medical profession by myself.
Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee. That really isn’t plastic that those surgeons are using. You KNOW where they are getting those replacement part, don’t you? The next time you suspect someone has had a face “lifted”, look again. Was it lifted from you? I think I finally found my thighs…and I hope Cindy Crawford paid a really good price for them!
This is not a hoax. This is happening to women in every town every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS.
P.S. I must say that last year I thought someone had stolen my breasts. I was lying in bed and they were gone! As I jumped out of bed I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.
My Mum liked these jokes i hope you do ?
Filed in The Category Pharmacist Jokes
guy walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist,
“Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I’ve never had three girls at once,and I need something to keep me horny.. keep me potent.”
The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label “Viagra Extra Strength” and says,
“Here, if you eat this, you’ll go nuts for twelve hours.”
The guy says, “Gimme three boxes.”
The next day the guy walks into the same pharmacy goes up to the pharmacist and pulls down his pants.The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man’s penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places. The man says,
“Gimme a bottle of Deep Heat.”
The pharmacist replies,
“You’re not going to put Deep Heat on that are you?”
The man says,
“No, it’s for my writs the girls didn’t show up.
joke about a male patient and a student nurse please read this!!!!!!!!?
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
male patient is lying in bed in the
hospital, wearing a oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose. A young, student nurse appears to give him a
partial sponge bath. “Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask.
“Are my
testicles black?”Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know,
Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”He struggles to ask
again, “Nurse, please check. Are my testicles black?”Concerned that
he
may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his
testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back thecovers. She
raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the
other. Then, she takes a close look and says, There’s nothing wrong with
them, Sir!”The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very
slowly,” Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very
closely……A r e – m y – t e s t – r e s u l t s – b a c k?
Know any good jokes to cheer me up?
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
im currently nursing a broken heart after losing the love of my life and need cheering up…any good jokes out there? thanks, matthew
How much would you rate these jokes out of ten?
Filed in The Category Veterinarian Jokes
Crack Found on Governor’s Daughter [Imagine that!]
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that's taking things a bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death [No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!]
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]
And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Can anyone tell me any really funny but clean jokes please?
Filed in The Category Clean Funny Jokes
medical joke ?
Filed in The Category Medical Jokes
A man goes to the doctors complaining of reccuring dreams he says “1st i’m a teepee then i’m a wigwam then a teepee then a wigwam,whats wrong with me ?”
“It’s very simple” the doctor said “you are too tents.”
more quick jokes from uncle elroy?
Filed in The Category Quick Jokes
How do u teach a blonde maths? add a bed subtract her knickers divide her legs enter your square root leave your solution and hope she doesnt multiply!……………………
Rocky the rooster woz the biggest,meanest rooster ever,he spent his time beatin the crap out of all the animals on the farm,one day he picked on the farm yard cat, unfortunately the cat beat the crap out of him. The moral of the story is…. no matter how big the c0ck is, the pu55y can always take it!…………………………
why were my jokes deemed so offensive they were removed??
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
I have seen far more adult content joke get by no prob. I never used anything abusive or too risque, are some of you so anally retentive and lacking in a sense of humour,after all they were posted on jokes and riddles.still i’ll turn the other cheek,and carry on regardless of them SAD offended Geeks on Q/A , Oh Nurse!!
do you want a little joke about a nurse?
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
A very tired nurse walks into a bank,
Totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.
Preparing to write a check,
She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
And tries to write with it.
When she realizes her mistake,
She looks at the flabbergasted teller
And without missing a beat, she says:
‘Well, that’s great….that’s just great……
Some asshole’s got my pen!
Is there a dentist that could give me some advice?
Filed in The Category Dentist jokes
I had my wisdom teeth taken out in August 2005 – all four of them.
Two days ago I had a horrible pain (I’ve still got it) at the bottom right side where the wisdom had been removed. And now it looks like there is another tooth is trying to cut through. There are 4 little points poking through the gum. I got my husband to take a look and he thought I was joking at first. But he looked and he said that there is definately something trying to come through.
If there are any dentisits out there can you please advise what you think it might be? Please nobody tell me to visit the dentist because I can’t get in until Wednesday. I just would like some peace of mind in the mean time.
Many thanks.
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