FREE Medical Jokes - HaHaHa
Nursing And Hot All The Time?
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
Goodness! I’m nursing (my daughter is 4 mos old) and I’m an oven. When everyone else is comfortable, I’m sweating. Anyone else have this experience when nursing? I’m only 25, but I joke that I must be going through menopause.
My Favorite Joke ,rate This?
Filed in The Category Veterinarian Jokes
Banta comes home from work feeling bad about the day’s activities. He lays down on the couch and ponders his actions.
Like most of us, his conscience has two voices; that of his good moral side and that of his mischievious side.
While staring at the ceiling, a voice in his head says, “Don’t worry about it, a lot of doctors have sex with their patients.”
Banta tosses and turns in reflection of his actions.
Again the voice says, “Don’t worry about it, a lot of doctors have sex with their patients.”
Feeling somewhat relieved, Banta begins to relax and feel better about himself at which time another voice in head says, “But you’re a veterinarian.”
Doctor Joke, Star If You Like?
Filed in The Category Doctor Jokes
A man goes into a doctor’s and says; doctor there is something wrong with my arm.
The doctor asks him to explain.
Well says the man, every time I touch my arm my wrist talks to me.
The doctors asks him to demonstrate, so the man touches his upper arm and his wrist says, lend me £5.00, ahh says the doctor I see
The man touches his forearm and his wrist says lend me £10.00, that’s interesting says the doctor.
Well what’s the matter asks the man.
You wrist is broke.
Wouldn’t You Be A Little Upset?
Filed in The Category X-ray Jokes
My Akita escaped from the garage last night and (I think) got hit by a car.
After a lengthy search, I found her returned home but she was limping very badly. (she would not use her back leg)
So I immediately rushed her to a 24hr vet I knew of. The vet said nothing was broken but she may have a possible fracture. Fair enough, though. I was given her painkillers, told that if she still did not use her leg by tomorrow – to come back for an x-ray and a hefty bill later (her pills costing just under $100), I left in good hope.
However, “tomorrow” which is my today, she still couldn’t walk.
Being strapped for cash (bills =( .sigh.), I called various veterinary clinics in hopes of finding a professional place with reasonable fees for x-rays. I did find one that charged 450 for both consultation and x-ray, however, the vet I went to last night offered the same for only 350. The receptionist says to bring her in at any time with no appointment needed.
So here I was, happy and dandy knowing as soon as I got back from work, I’d be able to take her to the vet AND afford it. (broke till next pay-day though, but I’d rather starve than let her suffer)
It’s just after 7pm when I get back from the office. I haul her into the car and literally have to carry my 37kg, 1.4yr old puppy up stairs and ramps to the empty reception area… Only to be bloody greeted with a stunned look when I told the guy who I was (remember receptionist from phone?)
Know what he said?
“oh… I didn’t know you were coming in _tonight_. Consultation fee is actually $200 after 7pm… Plus $300 for the x-ray and $150 for sedation…”
So that’s an extra $100 that I just did NOT have. This was due to “emergency rates” being _after_ 7pm
I just stood there shocked. o_O _< — look and says "sorry…"
NO JOKE! No effing joke!
And to add insult to injury, he WATCHES me carry my bloody dog out again wearing a suit and heels. Ladies, you would agree with me that carrying dogs in such shoes is _not_ a good mix, right?
"How To Roll An Ankle: Complete Guide"
(I had to rush from work, so please forgive me for lacking proper footwear)
Know what else is sickening? One of the vets (who wasn't doing anything) watched me leave as well. Not even a little friendly advice.
So now my baby is lying on my bed. I've decided to take the day off work and take her to a different vet tomorrow.
If I am over-reacting, I humbly apologize.
But my main question is; how would you feel?
I feel disgusted, hurt and very bloody ticked off!
Where Can I Take “christian Scriptures” And “christian Heritage” Classes Online For My Pre-nursing Program?
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
I’m not joking.
Baylor’s nursing school requires these courses for admission to their FastBacc program, but I got my Bachelor’s degree from a university without any religious affiliation.
I have to find some online program which offers these courses, since my community college doesn’t offer it.
How Do I Make My Nose Look Less Pointy? And Big?
Filed in The Category Plastic Surgery Jokes
everyone at school calls me a bird. it is supposed to be funny… i am not a nerd.. i am actually kinda popular but lately i have not been laughing at the joke. i seriously look into the mirror and cringe and now i hate my nose and have no self confidence! i really need advice on anything that will bring attention away from my nose. hairstyles? makeup? anything but plastic surgery.
Is A Doctor Allowed To Make Jokes In A Deadly Situation?
Filed in The Category Doctor Jokes
A man gets a phone call, he finds out his wife has been in a bad car accident. He rushes to the hospital, the doctor says “i got bad news it was a very bad accident your wife is crippled from the neck down, you’ll have to feed her, bathe her, change her”. Then the man starts crying over his wife saying “this is horrible”. Then the doctor says, “i’m just joking with you she’s dead”
can a doctor make this joke? Do you think the man would take it as a joke or as an insult or what?
Sheep Joke.?
Filed in The Category Veterinarian Jokes
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.
The guy doesn’t have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn’t take, and loads them in the truck again.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.
One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass.
“No,” she says, “they’re all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn.”
How Does One Become A Boxing Cutman?
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
im 27, two kids, fulltime job and night school have made me sort of give up on my dreams of resurrecting my amateur boxing career and turn pro. but i would still love to do something that would pay me somewhat decent money and keep me around the sport that i love. im going to school to get my nursing degree (no male nurse jokes!!!) which cant hurt me in trying to become a cutman.
I Think I Have An Addiction Problem?
Filed in The Category X-ray Jokes
This is very hard for me to talk about, which is why I have choosen this method of letting it out.(so please,no jokes)I have had a history of back problems since I was 15. I had severe scoliosis which was straightend out with rods and spinal fusion. Since then I have had several other surgeries mostly on my back. I am now 26, and throughout the years I have developed a habbit of taking ultram (non-narcotic pain killer but still addictive). It started just 2 a day, then 3/day and so on…I am now up to 30 a day as well as hydrocodone and valium. I am also throwing away money at an alarming rate. The more scared I get when thinking about it, the more pills I have to take. I am not some pill head druggie off the street, I am a hard working x-ray tech and student. No one knows. My biggest fear is not having any pills to take. How can I help Myself? Please. I am very scared.
Do I Look Like Brad Pitt Or Jhonny Damon?
Filed in The Category Plastic Surgery Jokes
i know im a girl but im planning on getting plastic surgery to turn me into one of those men so i needto know which one i look more like. and my avatar looks just like me no joke
A Good News/bad News Doctor Joke?
Filed in The Category Doctor Jokes
Doctor tells a man “I have good news and bad news”. The man asks for the good news first. The doctor informs him that he has 24 hours to live. “Good news?? Holy cow man, what is the bad news??” The doctor rubs his chin and replies, “I forgot to call you yesterday”.
What’s A Good Joke About Nurses Walking Into A Bar?
Filed in The Category Nurse Jokes
My G/F is a nurse, and i want to make her and her nurse friends laugh.
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