This Question From Paramedic Jokes | 13 Answers
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten
husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband,
“Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married
ten
times?”
“Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how
great
it was going to be.”
“Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it
was
supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to
me.”
“Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out
diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.”
“Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order,
he
didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.”
“Husband #5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted
three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art
method.”
“Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how, but he
wasn’t
sure whether it was his job or not.”
“Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never
sure
how to position it.”
“Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.”
“Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look.”
“Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was…………
God,
I
miss him!”………
“But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited!”
“Wonderful,” said the husband, “but, why?”
You’re with the Government……..This time I KNOW I’m gonna get
screwed.”
Catholic Girls
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.
They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the
first girl, “Tiffany,
have you ever had any contact with a male organ?”
She giggles and shyly replies, “Well, I once touched the head of one with
the tip of my fingers.
St. Peter says, “Okay, dip the tips of your fingers in the Holy Water and
pass through the gate.”
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, “Jennifer, have you ever had
any contact with a
male organ?”
The girl is a little reluctant but replies, “Well, once I fondled and
stroked one.”
St. Peter says, “Okay dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through
the gate.”
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl
is pushing her way
to the front of the line.
When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, “Paula! What seems to be the
rush?”
The girl replies, “If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to
do it before Jessica
sticks her *** in it.” !!!!!!
A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in
the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for “Bear Removers.”
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30
minutes.The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He’s got a
ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
“What are you going to do,” the homeowner asks? “I’m going to
put this ladder up against the roof, then I’m going to go up there and
knock
the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls
off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The
bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the
back of the van.”
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.”What’s the shotgun for?” asks
the homeowner. “If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.”
Brokeback Bar
A cowboy walks into a bar and realizes it’s a gay bar.
But what the heck, he says to himself, “I can really use a drink.”
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the cowboy, “What’s the name of your weewee?”
The cowboy says, “Look, I’m not into any of that, all I want is a drink.”
The gay waiter says, “I’m sorry but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your weewee. Mine for instance is called Nike, for the slogan ‘Just Do It,’ and that guy down at the end of the bar calls his,
Snickers, because it really ‘Satisfies.’”
The cowboy looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. So the cowboy asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, “Hey bud, what’s the name of yours?”
The man looks back and says with a smile “Timex,” and the thirsty cowboy asks, “Why Timex?” The fella proudly replies, “Cause it takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin!”
A little shaken, the cowboy turns to two fellas on his right, who happen to be sharing a fruity Margarita and says, “So, what do you guys call yours?”
The first man turns to him and proudly exclaims, “FORD, because Quality is Job One.” Then he adds, “Have you driven a Ford lately?”
The guy nex t to him then says, “I call mine CHEVY, ‘Like A Rock.’” and gives a wink.
Even more shaken the Cowboy has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name. He exclaims, “The name of my weewee is ‘SECRET.’ Now give me a beer.”
The bartender begins to pour the Cowboy a beer, but with a puzzled look asked, “Why Secret?”
The cowboy says, “Because it’s STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN.”
Should children witness childbirth?
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to
the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked
Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl, to hold a flashlight high over her
mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Mommy pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor
was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and
spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked
the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she
had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there
In the first place……smack his *** again!”
This is also funny!!!http://sjl.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.…
13 Comments so far
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good job girl i love all of them somuch these are the most funniest jokes that i had ever heard in my life and high 5 girl because you rocks and thanks for making me laugh because you really did hit the spot with these girl lol 2000/2000 and plus i had just gave you a star because i really do love your jokes girl and take care.
Those were awesome! “*****” Five stars!
These were great!!! Thanks for the laughs. You get a star and I’ll be sure to read if you put anymore on here. Oh, by the way I couldn’t get to the last one. Maybe I’ll try again later.
those were great but i couldnt see the video but ill try again!! keep em coming 1000/1000 and a star
these are great!!!! i’ve heard the first two before & i think the last two are the best!!!!!!! thanks for the laughs! you rock!!!!!!!!!
very funny thanks for the laugh!
i think that these jokes are hillarious. I had heard the one about the cowboy and the holy water but the other two were completly new to me.
they all were funny
I think the first one.
the second is very naughty
I really like the bear removers one
the bar is alright
the last is good
:]
im still laughing omg i love these joke 10.99/10 plus a star
lol these are sooo funny!!!!!
they were all funny star from me. thanks for the laugh
Very good, star for you!