This Question From Veterinarian Jokes | 8 Answers
An elderly gentleman went to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.
The pharmacist said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?”
The man answered, “Just a few, maybe 4, but cut each one in 4 pieces.”
The pharmacist said “That won’t do you any good.”
The elderly gentleman said “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore, as I’m over 80 years old. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes”.
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An old man and his wife have gone to bed.
After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, “Seven Points.”
His wife rolls over and says, “What in the world was that?”
The old man replied, “It’s fart football… I just scored.”
A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”
After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead 14 to 7.”
Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”
Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, “Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.”
Now the pressure’s on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail.
Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he has, but instead of farting, he poops the bed.
The wife looks and says, “What the heck was that?”
The old man replied, “Half-time, Switch sides.”
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An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving.
She gets pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer says, “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?”
The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”
The old man yells, “HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING.”
The patrolman says, “May I see your license?”
The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”
The old man yells, “HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE.”
The woman gives him her license.
The patrolman says, “I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had.”
The woman turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?”
“HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU,” the old man yells.
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Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a machete to her throat, said, “Red, I’m going to screw your brains out!”
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket and pulled out a magnum gun and pointed it at him and said, “No you’re not! You’re going to eat me, just like it says in the book!”
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Doctor Bob had sex with one of his patients and had felt guilty all day long.
No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming.
Every once in a while, however, he’d hear that soothing voice, within himself, trying to reassure him: “Bob, don’t worry about it. You aren’t the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients, and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Let it go.”
But invariably another voice would bring him back to reality: “Bob, you’re a veterinarian!”
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I really like the 1st, 2nd and last one.
Last one is the best for me.
Great jokes lol
Pretty good
Loved the last one
LOL
good ones lol
!!!!
lol 2nd one is my favorite
first ones my fav.
I have one! Not nearly as funny as yours! But, here goes:
A man has been swept out to sea, as he drifted in the water He continuously prayed to God to rescue him. Nearly a day had gone by and a small boat with a fisherman came by. The fisherman struggled to get the man aboard, while the stranded man fought hard to get out off the boat. Frustrated the fisherman sailed on.
Again the man prayed with all of his might for the Lord to come and save him.
A few hours later a Luxury Liner happened upon him. The Captain lowered the rope and sent 3 crew members to retrieve him. He fought two of them off and threw 1 in the water. Again they sailed off in frustration. Again he pleaded with God to rescue him.
Two more days go by and by now not only is the man hungry, he is dehydrated, tired and bordering on hypothermia. In the distance he could here the thundering noise of a helicopter coming, once it arrived again he started thrashing about making it quite difficult for the pilot to keep the helicopter steady, again in frustration it too flew off never to be seen again.
Later, sadly the man passed away due to hypothermia. Once he reached the Pearly Gates he asked God this question..
Man: Lord, I prayed and I begged and Pleaded for you to come rescue me, do you not love me?
The Lord: Son I sent you a fisherman, a Liner and a helicopter, are you serious, what kind of miracle were you expecting?!?