This Question From Clean Funny Jokes | 5 Answers
I want some jokes to tell in class, but they have to be clean. Thx
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Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past
couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices
a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other,
“Jeez, I’d really like to dance with that girl.”
The other man replies, “Well go ahead and ask her, don’t be a chicken.”
So the man approaches the lovely woman and says, “Excuse me.
Would you be so kind as to dance with me?”
Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, “I’m sorry.
Right now I’m concentrating on matrimony and I’d rather sit than dance.”
So the man humbly returns to his friend.
“So what did she say?” asks the friend.
The drunk responded, “She said she’s constipated on macaroni and would rather $hit in her pants.”
ok then some of these r clean as a docter!!! lol
knock knock,
whos there?
ya,
ya who?
.com {yahoo.com}
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS …
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, ‘My wife’s going to have her
baby in the cab!’ I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear.Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs –and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall. ‘Big breaths,’ I instructed.
‘Yes, they used to be,’ replied the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal fart.’
Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. ‘Which one?’ I asked. ‘The patch, the nurse told me to put on a
new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!’ I had
him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn’t see. Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
‘How long have you been bedridden?’ After a look of complete
confusion she answered. Why, not for about twenty years –
when my husband was alive.’
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a woman I asked, ‘So how’s your breakfast this morning?’ ‘It’s very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get used to the taste’
the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled ‘KY Jelly.’
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young
woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting
a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It
was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was
a tattoo that read, ‘Keep off the grass.’ Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s
dressing, which said, ‘Sorry, had to mow the lawn’
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!.. ……… …..
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this
exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I
looked up from my work and sheepishly said, ‘I’m sorry.. Was I
tickling you?’ She replied, ‘No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, ‘I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener’.
Dr. wouldn’t submit his name
whats pink and fluffy?
pink fluff
whats blue and fluffy?
pink fluff holding its breath!!
lol!!! i know i am a geek…. lol
hope these made U LOL CUZ THEY MADE ME!!! LOL
How to catch a lion?
Newton ’s Method:
Let, the lion catch you. For every action there is an equal and
opposite reaction. Implies you caught lion.
Einstein Method:
Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion. Due to higher
relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon. Now you can trap it easily.
Software Engineer Method:
Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.
Indian Police Method:
Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a
lion .
George bush method:
Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him
this one:http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;…
haha lol its really funny… some of the other jokes on here are good as well… =]
what do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine?
a slow poke!