This Question From School Nurse Jokes | 7 Answers
Two priests……. 159 days ago
……Are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way.
Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he’s a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
“Oh look” says the first nun, “it’s a soap dispenser”.
To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.
Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
Now the third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, Then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then yells…
“Holy Mary, Mother of God, hand lotion too!”
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There was this bus full of ugly people that crashed and everyone died. God felt sorry for them and decided to grant them all a wish. The first one said ‘I want to be beautiful.’ The second ‘I want to be handsome.’ This went on and on, people asking to be pretty, cute, handsome, just basically not ugly. When God got towards the end of the line, the last guy started cracking up. God ignored and kept fulfilling their wishes. Finally, when God came to the last guy, he announced ‘I wish they were all ugly again!’
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School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Divorce: Future tense of Marriage.
Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: A guy no different from the rest….except that he got caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills >you by bills.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc .: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
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HUSBAND WANTED
A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.
She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70′s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, NOT RUN AROUND ON ME AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED ! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day, she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
The old woman said, “You’re not really asking me to consider you, are you ? Just look at you…you have no legs.”
The old man smiled, “Therefore, I cannot run around on you !”
She snorted. “You don’t have any arms either !” Again, the old man smiled, “Therefore, I can never beat you !”
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, “Are you still good in bed ???”
The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said, “Rang the doorbell, didn’t I ?
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The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.”
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, “I want to hang out with God.”
St. Peter too
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excelant…… good jokes
Haha awesome!
Can someone explain the last one to me???? I don’t get it!!!!! The rest are good though!!!
The last joke is not finished, does it go,
St Peter took Arthur to where God was sitting on his throne,
Arthur said to God, “you’re sitting in my chair,”
the first ones a lol
LMAO
Jeje Awesome Funny:D