This Question From Very Funny Jokes | 8 Answers
I am a middle school student and I would like to meet new people and I would like to make a good 1st impression by having ppl think that I’m funny and cool to hang around with. What would be some good jokes when meeting a new person? Who ever has the least corniest but funniest jokes gets the 10 points. ty
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I think you need a face lift ……….. Chin Tu Fat
youl find lots there!!!
goege w.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
no but seriously
this is a good one
and its most likely going to get me best answer
Jack woke up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s ChristmasParty. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party.
As bad as he as feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw was couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sat up and saw his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.
He looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, spotlessly clean.
So was the rest of the house. He took the aspirins, and cringed when he saw a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.
Then he noticed a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: “Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get
groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling!”
He stumbled to the kitchen and sure enough, there was hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son was also at the table, eating.
Jack asked, “Son, what happened last night?”
“Well, you came home after 3 A.M. , drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway,
and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”
Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??
His son replied, “Oh THAT! Mum dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, ‘Leave me alone bi!@h, I’m married!!!’”
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there.The assistant pharmacist says,”Oh that guy.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative.He seems to be doing ok now….. I guess.” The head pharmacist says,”Are you crazy?? You can’t sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!?” The assistant pharmacist says “Well why not?? Look at him over there! Its working! He’s too scared to cough now!!…..”
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
He replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.’”
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.”
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady.he says to her boy u have a big butt…she goes…why you…..and starts smacking him around.he goes in the mens room…fixes him self up….combs/fixes his hair…..straightens out his glasses…puts his teeth back in etc. He goes back and sits beside the same lady.He says to her….boy u got small boobs…..she says do i really…hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger.She says how. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off….take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs…she says omg…do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it…it worked on your big butt didnt it…
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents. They sit down and
have a conversation.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
“Emma come first. Den I come. Den two esses acoma together. I
come once-a-more. Two esses, they comma together again. I
come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.”
“You dirty-mouth pigs,” yelled the lady
.” In this country . . . we don’t speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives. . . ”
“Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you?,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta
sex?
I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘Mississippi’.”
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions.After many years he decides its time to retire.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company.He says”Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring.” His friend says”Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you.”So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets. He says to his friend”wallets!? Is that all i get after all these years!?” His friend says”Relax my friend.You see its not just ordinary wallets. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set.
learn to speak chinese:
1) That’s not right ………………….. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive?…………. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP………………………….. *** Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man ……………………… Dum ***
5) Small Horse ……………………. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach? ………… Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table …….. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
9) It’s very dark in here …………….. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet ……….. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone ……………. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week … Wai Yu *** Nao
13) Staying out of sight ……………. Lei Ying Lo
14) He’s cleaning his automobile ………. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive ……….. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great ……………………………. Fa Kin Su Pah
There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St. Luke’s Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa.
The deaf one said to her twin, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”
“WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!”, said the other.
“Now get a little closer together”, said the cameraman.
Again, “WHAT DID HE SAY?”
“HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE”.
So, they wiggled up close to each other.
“Just hold on for a bit longer, I’ve got to focus a little,” said the photographer.
Yet again – “WHAT DID HE SAY?”
“HE SAYS HE’S GONNA FOCUS!”
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, “OH MY GOD – BOTH OF US?
granma called down a little kid one day and said eat ur breakfeast and do you know when your mom and dad are getting up then the kid started to giggle and went out to play
2 hours later he returned for his tea then the granma said eat up your mom and dad are lazy today then the kid started to giggle and went to get a bath
then returned for supper and gran said do you know why your mom and dad is in bed for a long time and the kid replied yeah last night my dad came in to my room and asked me for the vaseline but i gave him the super glue
Jimmy Harter and his girlfriend are doing it in his room. His Dad walks in and yells “JIMMY HARTER!” Jimmy nods at him. Dad freaks and yells “JIMMY HARTER!” Jimmy misunderstood him both times and said “SORRY IM GOING AS HARD AS I CAN!!”
How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell her to go into a circle room and pee in a corner.
How does a Blonde confuse you?
She comes out and says she did!
LOL!
Thanks for reading
do u love water
then u love 70% of my body lol corny I know but what the hell
1st person : i 1 pooh
2nd person: i 2 pooh
1rd person: i 3 pooh
2nd person: i 4 pooh
1st person: i 5 pooh
2nd person: i 6……
…………………………..
2nd person: i 8 pooh lol i ate pooh
always start with 1st person
knock knock
whos there?
smell mop
smell mop who?
now keep on saying that over and over again fastly?
Get it?
Smell my POO!!!
I SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM, AND U SCREAM WHEN I CUT YOUR TOES OFF WITH A CHAINSAW!