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I have enough problems of my own !
One day, Little Red Riding Hood was going to visit her grandma. As she was about to walk out the door, her mother asked her where she was going.
“I am going to visit my grandmother.” She said.
“You must be careful, the big bad wolf is there and he likes to play with boobies.” said the mother.
“It’s ok, I have my gun with me.” she says
She continues out the door and down the road when she comes upon her father out in the fields. He too, asked where she was going. She responded the same as she had to her mother.
“You must be careful, the big bad wolf is out there and he likes to play with boobies.” he said
“It’s ok father, I have my gun with me.” she said
She continues on her way and starts into the woods. Suddenly the big bad wolf pops out in front of her.
He says to her, “Little Red Riding Hood, I’m gonna play with your boobies!”
She pulls her gun out and points it at him and says: “No you’re not, you’re going to eat me, just like the book says!!”
There once was a guy who meet a women in a bar. They hanged out and got drunk; the lady asks the guy if he would like to go back to her place and the guy said yes
So off they went once the door opened bam! they started to go at it. They reached the bed half way naked. The guy is doing it and there was a picture of a man on top of the bed and will there still in the action
The guy asks: ‘who is that guy right there in the picture, is that your boyfriend?’ She says: ‘No’. ‘Is that your brother?’ She says: ‘No’. ‘Is that your dad?’ She says ‘No’. So the guys asks her: ‘Well who is it?’
She says ‘That’s me before my surgery!!!!’ lol
Joe suffers acute pain on his penis one day. He goes to see a doctor. The doctor examines him and tells him the bad news, “Son, there is no way. We will have to chop your penis off.” Joe excalims, “What?! Chop what off?! But doc, I need to…” The doctor replis, “Sorry son, but there is no other way.”
Joe goes to see another doctor…same story.
He finally hears that there is a “medicine man” that might be able to help him. After the “medicine man” exmaines Joe, he went back to the medicine room and returns with a big smile on his face. Joe inquires, “Please tell me that we don’t have to chop it off!” The “medicine man” says, “Chop it off?! No way! Just take this paste and rub it on your penis for two weeks and come back to me.” Joe is full of joy and thanks the “medicine man” and goes home. He applies the paste everyday for two weeks and returns to the “medicine man.” The “medicine man” examines Joe again and mutters, “Hmm…very good. I see that the medicine is working great.” Joe asks, “Oh thank you! So there is no need to chop it off?” The “medicine man” replies, “No, no, no, it’ll just fall off by itself.”
A Man goes into a cocktail lounge and approaches Maxine sitting by herself
Man: ‘May I buy you a cocktail?’
Maxine: ‘No thank you, alcohol is bad for my legs.’
Man: ‘Sorry to hear that. Do they swell?’
Maxine: ‘No, they spread.
An old man went by the shoe store one day and bought a pair of boots. He came home to his lovely old wife standing in the kitchen. “Honey, do you notice any different about me?” he asked. She said, “Did you get a haircut?” “No,” he said. “Look closer.” She looked harder and still couldn’t tell.
The old man left the room and came back a few minutes later naked except for his boots. “Honey, now do you notice any different about me?” he asked. The wife replied, “Well, your dick was down yesterday, it’s down today, and it will be down forever.” “You know why it’s down?” he asked. “Cause it’s looking at my new boots!” The wife nonchalantly replied, “You should have bought a hat.”
A guy is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and, although familiar, he can’t place where he might know her from, so he says “sorry, do you know me?”
She replies ” I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children”.
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he had been unfaithful.
“Christ” he says. “Are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my arse?
“No” she replies, “I’m your son’s English teacher.”
The Saint says
February 8, 2013 at 8:41 pm
A woman is frustrated with her love life because her husband has a massive crush on Brigette Bardot. To win back his attentions, she goes to a tattooist to have the letters ‘BB’ tattooed to her Boobs.
The tattooist warns her that age and gravity would probably make this unattractive later in life, and suggests the tattoo on her ass instead.
She agrees, and bends over to receive a ‘B’ on each buttock. When her husband gets home from work that night, she greets him by turning around, bending over, and lifting her dress to expose the art work. “What do you think?” the wife says.
“Uh, who the hell is Bob?” the husband replies.