8 Comments so far

1. Medical Jokes: k_moonsh

   A young patient was pulled out of a car – blue lips, pale skin. Not breathing, but had a pulse. They were rushed back to the code room, and the doctor began “bagging” the patient (breathing for them). An IV was placed, and 2 doses of narcan were given (antidote to opiate overdose). Within 30 seconds, the patient’s lips turned pink, their skin was rosy, and they jolted themselves upright, screaming “WHERE’S OLD COWBOY!!!!” Oh man, was that a funny day (glad we saved their life).
   Another story that some may not find funny (but I did):
   A 3 year-old patient is brought to the ED by their mom. The patient was breathing, had a pulse, and their eyes were open; but they were unresponsive. An IV was placed and their blood sugar was checked: <30. Mom is swearing up and down that she didn’t know what they had gotten into, denies access to medications at home, denies that the patient drank any toxins. IV dextrose was given, and the patient started to come around and respond. An alcohol level was obtained, and the patient scored a 0.12. We find out the patient had found a glass full of his 18 year-old sister’s orange juice + vodka concoction, and had drank all of it 8 hours earlier. After the patient came around, they were slurring their speech, screaming “TICKLE ME!!!” The patient had to drink activated charcoal (its black, thick, pretty much tasteless; and its a pain to get people to drink it). The patient grabbed the cup full of the “magic milkshake”, chugged it, and refused to give the cup back to the staff. The patient survived, but nothing beats an intoxicated 3 year-old screaming “TICKLE ME”. All ended well.

2. Medical Jokes: Nurse Alisa

   For legal reasons, I must state that this is not based on real people, it’s fiction.
   But here goes… I worked in a ER step-down unit at a hospital downtown. The ER nurse came to me to tell me I was going to get an admission. There was a man in his early 30′s or so with a bowel obstruction. Completely kidding I asked, “Oh yeah? What does he have stuck up his behind?” The ER nurse paused and said, “Well….actually..” I said, “NO” in disbelief. The nurse said he would bring the x-rays, but the patient was refusing to tell what was stuck in his rectum. The reality of the situation is that once an object is inserted completely into the rectum, the anus clamps shut. Any attempt to try to pull the item out makes the intestines spasm – pushing the item up further into the colon.
   Apparently this guy and his wife were experimenting in bed, and this situation happened. I went to check on my other patients and then I see several nurses gathered around the x-ray viewing box. They were trying to figure out what the object was. One of the nurses said “It looks like a perfume bottle.” I walked up behind them and I said, “Holy crap! I can’t believe it.” The nurses turned to me and asked, “What is it?” I replied, “It’s a small bottle of Britney Spears Curious perfume!” The other nurses said, “Well, I guess the patient and his wife were just curious!!!) This happened around Christmas time a few years ago, and there were displays in every mall and store of this perfume. Everytime I see a bottle of it, I imagine seeing it on the x-ray.
   (The patient had to go the the OR to have the bottle removed. Poor guy!)

3. Medical Jokes: CUFFS

   I’m not a doctor but I was in a situation at my job, where I caught this girl doing some illegal activities. Anyway, she had warrants, stolen money in her purse, did not have a license while she was driving, and she was using some other woman’s identity. Well, my associates and I brought her back to the station to interview her.This lady swore up and down that she did not have anything on her and was ready to be transported to jail.
   Well for some reason we all new she was lying and made her give up the last piece of vital information she was holding on to. A female associate of mind took this fugitive into another room to be searched. When they both came out, this lady had a 8 inch steel pipe inside her ( you know where(front)). It had a screw on steel cap that had a crack pipe and a meth pipe inside. (She found both pipes from some where, neither one belonged to her) Wrapped around the pipe was a leopard skin sheath ( I guess for better comfort lol ) that was covered in SOMETHING.
   Do not even ask me about the fumes that came from the sheath! It sounds gross and it is, but later on that evening, my associates and I laughed for a while.
   Oh, she had it there for over 6 months.

4. Medical Jokes: Wupadoo

   I have a cousin who is a Gynecologist. She was telling us about one of her patients, (and No, no names were mentioned),Her patient happened to be an Stripper in her late 30s who had, as she put it, “been around the block a few times”. Her patient had on the exam gown, and her feet in the stirrups. My cousin was down looking things over, between the ladies legs, and asked her assistant for a swab, (I guess that’s what its called), they look like Q-tips, with longer sticks. When my cousin went to grab the swab from her, her assistant grinned, and handed her a HAND FULL of swabs. My cousin tried her best to be professional, and keep a strait face, but she couldn’t. The patient.(fortunately)had no idea what was going on.

5. Medical Jokes: a simple man

   I heard of a colleague who was called out to a taxi outside the Emergency Room because a woman was about to deliver a baby.
   He dutifully rushed out, laid the woman down in the seat of the taxi, had the woman’s skirt up and was pulling her panties down when he was alerted to the fact that he was in the wrong taxi.
   Sometimes, we might work a little too fast.

6. Medical Jokes: .

   ” I am not a doctor but I play one in Microsoft Works”
   lol…ummm I am not one, but as a writer I have to know what they do…I would say looking at a celebs butt and noticing a cute mole or something like that….

7. Medical Jokes: C2IT

   A mentally retarded person walked up to once and put their hand out to shake. As I started shaking her hand, I asked her how she was doing. She answered “Not so good, I just peed my pants.”

8. Medical Jokes: gray

   no
   there is no funny story about doctor
   professional job always in serious